


weight of untold feelings

by awastedream



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Im not good at tagging, M/M, Unrequited Love, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8121079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awastedream/pseuds/awastedream
Summary: Iwaizumi always thought he couldn't tell him his feelings no matter what. He would take his feelings to his grave.





	

_"Iwa-chan which teacher do you like?"_ Oikawa asked with an unreadable face, he was playing with a blue pen. They were studying for the upcoming finals together. Iwaizumi was good at math, which was Oikawa’s weakest subject, and Oikawa was good at English, which was Iwaizumi’s weakest subject, and so they decided to study together since they were already spending most of their time together.

 _"Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"_ Iwaizumi asked. It's been almost five months since their talk about Iwaizumi's secret crush. Since that day Oikawa had only once talked about it and never asked any questions about it after. It was such an awkward moment and in fact Iwaizumi still didn't understand what Oikawa was trying to say back then, but everything seemed okay after it and then Iwaizumi thought everything was fine, his secret was safe, he could take a breath, but it seemed like he put down his guard way too quickly.

Well, in fact, he didn't put down his guard, he was only focusing more on being careful around Oikawa, he did everything to make sure Oikawa didn’t realize his feeling because he knew Oikawa better than himself so he was perfectly aware of the fact that Oikawa would watch him closely to find out Iwaizumi's secret crush.

 _"I have been watching you for months Iwa-chan and never see you interested in a teacher,"_ Oikawa drop the pen he was playing with _"Iwa-chan is the person you're in love with really a teacher?"_ Oikawa asked with an unreadable face again.

Iwaizumi would give all the money he had in the piggy bank he saved since he was ten to read Oikawa's mind right now.

 _"I don't understand what you mean,"_ Iwaizumi couldn't look at Oikawa's face, he knew this would only make Oikawa even more curious about it, but he couldn't help it.

 _"I think you do Iwa-chan." I_ waizumi's hands were on the table and playing with a paper, Oikawa gently touched Iwaizumi's hands and Iwaizumi jerked off from the sudden touch.

 _"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you."_ Oikawa said Iwaizumi's reaction was such a surprise for him. _"I just wanted to know what you're hiding."_ Oikawa sighed _"Why there are things that you're hiding from me."_ Oikawa smiled, but it was such a broken smile. Iwaizumi could see from his eyes, it was hurting Oikawa to see his best friend hiding something from him. Oikawa was probably thinking Iwaizumi didn’t trust him enough to tell him who was the person he was in love with.

Iwaizumi got mad at himself for hurting his best friend like that, got mad at himself for hurting the person he loved like that, but there was no way to tell him the truth.

The truth would ruin their precious friendship and would waste all pain he bared up until then. He couldn't tell him his feelings no matter what. He would take his feelings to his grave.

 _"It's okay you didn't scare me,"_ Iwaizumi took a breath " _I just wasn't expecting it."_ Iwaizumi forced himself to look at Oikawa's face, but it was harder than before since he was about to lie to the person that knew him very well. _"And there is nothing I'm hiding from you… about that teacher thing."_ Iwaizumi knows he should think a better scenario than before or Oikawa wouldn't buy it.

 _"I'm trying to stay away from him, I'm trying not to look his way, and I’m trying not to think of him, whenever I catch myself about to look at him I stop straight off."_ Iwaizumi sighed. _"Or else not only will it be even more painful for me, but I'll also give him trouble and I don't want that."_ Iwaizumi said.

He was praying Oikawa would believe his words, but he still could not read his face, he still could not read Oikawa's mind and it was something bothering him so much, he could tell what he was thinking, how he was feeling without even looking at his face twice, he could read him like an open book, but the person he is looking right now wasn't only a closed book, but also a book on the library shelves.

" _Iwa-chan I’ve known you since,"_ Oikawa thought for a minute _"I'm not even sure since I was one year old or so."_ Oikawa showed him his most honest smile _"We were almost together since we were born."_ then his smile turned into a chuckle _"Thanks to our mother's close friendship."_ Oikawa touched Iwaizumi's hands again and this time Iwaizumi's didn't jerk it off, just the opposite he was longing for that touch. "Talk to me, Iwa-chan."

And now, Iwaizumi finally could read Oikawa's face.

 _"I know."_ Iwaizumi read.

 _"He knows"_ Iwaizumi thought.

Iwaizumi never felt as weak and vulnerable as much as he felt right now. It was as if Oikawa could see his soul, read his thoughts.

 _"I need to run away."_ Iwaizumi thought.

 _"I need to hide."_ Iwaizumi thought.

 _"I'm not letting you run away and hide."_ Oikawa said and took Iwaizumi in his arms.

 _"Tell me."_ Oikawa said. _"Tell me everything."_

 _"T-h-here is nothing to say except that I'm in love with a person I can't have."_ Iwaizumi sighed and tried to push Oikawa away, but Oikawa wasn't going to let go easily.

 _"And why can't you have that person?"_ Oikawa asked. He couldn't help, but smile at how Iwaizumi was trying. Although he knew he couldn’t run away anymore.

 _"Because there is no way he would love me,"_ Iwaizumi was almost hitting his limit. " _Because there is no way he would want me."_

Iwaizumi was still trying to find a way to escape, but Oikawa wouldn't give in. He wasn’t giving any way for Iwaizumi to run away.

 

  
                                                                                                                       ** ~ **

  
It was around two months after the talk Oikawa realized Iwaizumi might have been lying. Since then, Oikawa would watch him closely, but realize that not only was Iwaizumi not looking at any teachers, but he wasn’t looking at anyone else either.

It didn't seem like he was interested in anyone. Then, suddenly, he remembered Matsukawa’s and Hanamaki's reaction when he told them that Iwaizumi's secret crush was a teacher, they both could barely hold their laughter. Oikawa thought they were laughing at him for not realizing it sooner, but now he thought there could be another reason behind that laugh.

 _"Hanamaki"_ Oikawa called out his teammate; it was after practice, most of their team members were already gone or in the showers and Iwaizumi was one of the people that were in the showers.

 _"Yes, captain."_ Hanamaki said teasingly.

 _"There is something I wanted to talk with you about."_ Oikawa said. His face was serious just like when he was in the court.

 _"I don't know who you got pregnant, but I don't want to get involved."_ Hanamaki said. _"Just ask Iwaizumi for help."_

 _"What the hell are you talking about Makki?"_ Oikawa asked.

 _"If it's not about that, then you're going to ask me to kill someone with you?"_ Hanamaki asked _"Again, ask help from Iwaizumi unless it's someone I also hate, then I would gladly help you."_

 _"Makki, stop it."_ Oikawa said.

 _"Now I'm running out of theories, but this expression of yours gives me false ideas."_ Hanamaki said.

Oikawa sighed, he asked himself why he had to ask this question to him, Matsukawa would be easier to handle, but then he remembered how Iwaizumi was closer to Hanamaki, close enough that Oikawa even thought the person Iwaizumi was in love with was Hanamaki.

" _I wanna talk with you about Iwa-chan."_ Oikawa said. Finally he could ask the question he wanted.

 _"I’m all ears."_ Hanamaki said. _"Well at least until Matsukawa shows up, and he will be here in a few minutes, so hurry up."_

 _"Do you know the person Iwaizumi loves?"_ Oikawa asked.

 _"What?"_ Hanamaki asked.

 _"Do you know the person Iwaizumi loves?"_ Oikawa asked again.

" _Why do you ask this again suddenly?"_ Hanamaki asked. _"Didn't you already get you answer?"_

"I started to think Iwa-chan was lying to me." Oikawa said "I believed him immediately because he never told me a lie before. I was thinking he didn't tell me the name of the person he loves because they were a man, but now I know it's because of something else."

 _"Oikawa, do you really want to know who the person is?"_ Hanamaki asked. _"If Iwaizumi doesn't tell about him there would be a reason, right?"_

 _"This is exactly why I'm asking."_ Oikawa said. _"There shouldn't be anything Iwaizumi hides from me. For god's sake we're best friends."_

 _"This is exactly why he doesn't tell you."_ Hanamaki admitted.

 _"Who the hell is that person? Is it Kageyama? Is it Ushijima? For him not to be able to tell me…"_ Oikawa cried out. _"How bad could it would be?"_

"Calm down idiot or everyone will hear you." Hanamaki said. _"You think of Ushiwaka and Kageyama, but not someone closer to him."_ Hanamaki sighed.

 _"Watch him closely and you will find the answer you're looking for, but I must warn you it could be something you can't handle."_ Hanamaki said.

 

                                                                                                                       ** ~ **

  
The following days Oikawa started to watch Iwaizumi even more closely just like Hanamaki told him to. He watched his every move, every reaction he had. They already were always together, next to each other’s side, but Oikawa never _watched_ him.

The more Oikawa watched him closely the more things he realized he never did before. Like how beautiful he was. Oikawa knew Iwaizumi had a fine face, but he didn't realize until then he also had a beautiful face, talking about his body wasn't even necessary, because he was a volleyball player and because he took good care of himself he had the body of a Greek God.

What made him feel like an idiot was how Iwaizumi's green eyes were looking at him with such a deep meaning and that look was something Oikawa was very familiar with. He saw that look so many times. In the eyes of boys and girls, none of them were that deep, but he once saw that look, he knew what it meant and he didn't understand how he couldn't see it until now.

Now he understood why Iwaizumi was despairingly lying to him, why he was desperately hiding the person he was in love with form Oikawa, why he was so afraid of Oikawa knowing that person.

He probably suffered a lot because of this love and the fact that Oikawa showed all of his lovers to him wasn't helping him. Every time Oikawa came to Iwaizumi for comfort after he broke up with his lovers… and he couldn't even image how painful it was for Iwaizumi.

 _"Iwa-chan, do you have any sex-friends right now?"_ Oikawa asked as if it was a casual question.

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa with wide open eyes and then look at the people around them, they were in Iwaizumi's classroom, but thankfully nobody heard them.

 _"What the hell are you talking about Shittykawa?"_ Iwaizumi asked, he was ready to punch him if Oikawa ask one more a question like this.

 _"I just wondered… I said before you were fooling around with people, is there anybody like that right now?"_ Oikawa asked. This time his voice sounded more curious and serious.

 _"I'm not going to answer that."_ Iwaizumi said and opened the book that was in front of him to ignore Oikawa. _"Plus, it's not any of your business."_

 _"Iwa-chan is so rude."_ Oikawa said and was pouting _"I always tell everything to you."_

 _"It's not like I asked, Oikawa,"_ Iwaizumi said _"you tell them out of your own will."_

 _"Iwa-chan please tell me."_ Oikawa begged.

 _"Why are you so curious?"_ Iwaizumi asked.

 _"For god's sake Iwa-chan,"_ Oikawa said and sighed _"is saying yes or no that hard?"_

 _"Damn, fine,"_ Iwaizumi finally gave up, _" there is no one at the moment."_ Iwaizumi said _"Are you happy now?" I_ waizumi asked.

Oikawa didn't say anything, he only shrugged and he was indeed happy to hear that. Even thinking of Iwaizumi doing it with someone else when he was in love with him made him mad. Oikawa still didn't understand why he felt like that, but thinking Iwaizumi was with someone else made him really jealous and he felt like that ever since he was ten.

When they were ten years old and students, there was a boy named Souma Kojirou in Iwaizumi's class. He was such a nice boy and he got along with Iwaizumi very well. His eyes were sky blue and even Iwaizumi compliment them once. Iwaizumi never admit it or told it to him, but Oikawa knew for a fact that Souma Kojirou was Iwaizumi's first crush. If you asked Iwaizumi about it, he might not even remember his name, but for Oikawa he was a person he could never forget because his sky blue eyes were the reason Oikawa cried for day in his sleep.

Oikawa still remembered how he felt like back then. How jealous he was of him. No matter how many times he asked himself why he felt like that; he couldn't answer it and as time passed and new persons came into his life, that question disappeared from his mind, but now that question was back and Oikawa still didn't have an actual answer.

Up until now Oikawa only saw Iwaizumi as a friend, as a person would always be next to him. Up until now Oikawa always thought Iwaizumi would be his and only his. He wouldn't have to share him with him anyone else.

And the fact that Iwaizumi never dated anyone was making Oikawa think so even more. He was thinking Iwaizumi belonged to him. But when he noticed there was someone that Iwaizumi liked or loved or even was in love with, for the first time he felt like he might have a rival.

It's not like Iwaizumi never had someone he liked, but none of them were serious, they all were childish crush that didn't last more than a few weeks.

But the person Iwaizumi was hiding from him seemed like an important one, he wouldn't forget him in a few weeks or even months, he felt so jealous back then, like he didn't even feel like that when he heard Miyama Yamakawa, aka the greatest love of his life, (well, at least when they were dating Oikawa thought so) was dating someone that he always loved; Oikawa didn't even feel that jealous then.

But when he heard there was someone Iwaizumi was in love with from his mouth and it became real, he suddenly forgot about everything. He forgot about Miyama Yamakawa and everything else. All he could think was who that person his Iwa-chan loved was. And now he knew the person he was jealous of was no one other than himself.

 

                                                                                                                        ** ~ **

 

 _"Iwa-chan I'm pretty sure that person you love also loves you so much and is dying to hear those words from you."_ Oikawa said. He was really dying to hear those words from him. He wanted Iwaizumi tell him that he loved him, that he is in love with him so much that he was dying.

 _"No, stop it."_ Iwaizumi begged. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe the fact that Oikawa wanted him to confess his love. He didn't even imagine it in his wildest dreams.

 _"Hajime, I beg you;"_ Oikawa said his name like he was singing a love song. _“Please just give up already; there is nothing you should be afraid of."_ He smiled and hugged him tightly. _"Don't you get it? I'm saying I also feel the same way as you."_ Oikawa pulled him away a bit so he could see Hajime's face.

 _"I love you Hajime."_ Oikawa admit it. _"I'm in love with you."_ Oikawa said and kissed Iwaizumi's lips. His lips were shaking just like the rest of his body. Iwaizumi was caught aback, as if a fish just come out of the water and in Oikawa's arms.

 _"I-I'm also..."_ Iwaizumi's voice was shaking, but there were no tears in his eyes. No, he wouldn't cry, not even if it's because of happiness, he didn't want to remember this moment as him showing Oikawa his ugly crying face. _"I'm in love with you...for such a long time."_ Iwaizumi finally admit and these words made Oikawa happier than he thought possible.

 _"I've always been in love with you."_ Iwaizumi said.

He felt like he could fly after admitting the feeling he had been hiding for such a long time. After years, he was _free._

**Author's Note:**

> you don't have to read "make these feeling go away"
> 
> I want to thank Taitsu for helping me once again. You're the best!!


End file.
